This critique is for the group .
I didn't read your other parts so I can't really make as good of an assessment.
Your writing style is nice, though there were parts where it sounded awkward, or you simply made it sound rushed or too slow.
I like the fact that I never really read this type of story before, though that might be because I'm not a big fan of sci-fi/fantasy/etc.
That cliffhanger at the end was nicely done.
(I apologize that my critique isn't exactly well done, nor is it helpful. I am well aware of that fact and while I would honestly love to write out a more detailed and helpful critique I'm not feeling too well and just didn't want your piece to expire in the group. Apologies.)